As I begin this transition, it seems the financial side is overwhelming. And, it is.
But, the emotional side is trumping everything. And the only reason for that lies with my dogs. Yes, I know some people will say, they're just dogs. No, they are not "just" dogs. They are my family. My lifeblood in some sense. Creatures, yes, but creatures that have helped me recapture my sanity over the past year.
Going off to seminary will mean the dogs stay with my ex-partner. I am looking at housing options and for the moment the ones I can most afford do not allow pets, certainly not dogs of the size as mine.
It is a sad thing to look at them, look in their eyes and know my relationship with them is going to come to an end for the most part. And not because of my ex-partner but because of a conscious decision I am making.
Three years in the span of a lifetime is significant, but not huge. Three years of seminary is well worth me being able to fulfill my calling for the rest of my life.
But three years in the life of a dog is quite a long time. And who knows what shape my life will take when I come back from school? Will I even be able to see them then?
I am trying very hard to not limit the possibilities before me and that process involves not dwelling on the negatives. But its hard. Anyone that knows me knows I love my dogs like children. This past year has been so hard on me being separated from them as much as I have been. The last few months have been better with me being able to keep them and on other nights being able to go see them and play with them, walk them etc. But it still isn't even close to the same.
I don't think dwelling on this diminishes me, instead I hope it highlights my love for those close to me, whatever form they take.
Ultimately I know I have to make the decisions for my future life and it really is a no brainer.
Doesn't make it any easier though.
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