Looking for answers

Today, I think I had one of the lowest points in my life recently.

I think depression has been seeping in. Everything has combined into a nuclear bomb on my life right now, or at least that is what it feels like. I think I could have handled everything, for the most part, but knowing I'm losing my job in November has twisted the knife.

I am losing my positive outlook and I'm not quite sure what to do about it. I used to be able to turn to church for comfort. But these days, church is an activity more than a refuge. And that's not a negative statement about the church I've been placed at, not at all. It is just that now church feels more like work, like it is a task I need to fulfill to get through to the next stage. I understand how this process works. But, that is stress enough. To not have that refuge on top of everything else just really turns things around.

I'm not sure what the answer is. Sleep usually provides some energy and a fresh look. Prayer definitely works although in my current state I find myself praying less, I'm not sure what that means.

My family is there for me. I know that. So, I have a network. And I realize while typing that I'm not without help.

Some are not so lucky.

Sad day for equality

Today our Congress had a chance to repeal an injustice against gays and lesbians. With a Democratic President and Democratic majority in both the House and Senate. And we still couldn't do it?

What does this say about our country? How much hate fills us? How ignorant and backwards are we?

A sad day.

http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0910/42485.html

These days humble me, and I do hope for happier times. My hope is I am being strengthened. We'll see.

I often feel my life is spinning completely out of control. For some reason, despite my job issue, the last couple of days have made me realize things will be ok.

Spiritually I am growing in leaps and bounds and that is new. I haven't felt spiritually fed for a while, mainly due to my own shortcomings.

With my involvement at my new church, my new ministries, I am starting to feel some new energy. I am so excited about the next few weeks and months.

I have much to stress about in my life. And I have so much to be thankful for.

I have to constantly remind myself of what is important and urgent in my life. My faith is the most important, my relationship with my creator.

Family, loved ones, friends. Right now I have to do this constantly. Otherwise I could end up focusing energy somewhere else. This pic is one of my chief concerns.

Johnny Cash - Ain't No Grave

A great song by Johnny Cash on his last album. I suspect it's a cover of an old gospel or bluegrass tune, not sure, I didn't check that out. But, I love this version, the video is ok, some nice shots of Johnny from his earlier days.

Changing weather

Today was the official start to college football. It just changes the feel of the weekends. Tailgating. ESPN gameday. SEC football on Saturday night.

For me it's a great thing, a good distraction. We all need some distraction in our life. It's not a waste of time, but something to entertain us and not remind us of the sometimes harsh reality of our 'real' lives.

Fall is coming. The weather will be changing, the leaves will be changing color and eventually falling away.

It's a great transition of the year.

I'm sitting here with my pups late on a Saturday night, well actually early on a Sunday morning. Reflecting on what the rest of the weekend holds.

My journaling

My discernment seems to be moving in a positive direction. The program I'm currently in is bearing some fruits and the director seems to like my feedback (journal entries).

This part of the process bodes well for me, I can write. It's one thing I know I can do well. So my journal entries and weekly reports are well thought out, and of course grammatically correct and so on. So that of course helps. I can express myself through the written word much better than through the spoken word. And I do realize that is something to be worked on. I will of course need to be able to express myself through the spoken word.

But for now it's comforting to know that my thoughts can at least be expressed in one medium. The rest will follow.