So today I had another meeting of my discernment committee. My previous meeting didn’t go so well in my opinion. Not sure if I had written anything about that before but let me summarize: I was very tired, in a bad place mentally and spiritually and I felt like some of the people on the committee were really drilling into me. Which is their purpose but it almost felt personal. I could feel myself getting defensive and being made to feel like I had to justify and explain myself, like I was being seriously questioned.
Fast forward to today. I had submitted my spiritual autobiography a couple of weeks ago. I was not happy with it, not happy at all. I dreaded submitting it, I wanted to rework it and make it better and better written. But I couldn’t bring myself to it. I think I dreaded the whole process, partly because of how I felt the previous meeting went. I almost was at the point of thinking ‘what’s the point?’ But, the very first things said to me were how much they enjoyed it. The head of the committee said I was a good writer. So right off the bat my ego was being stroked, I didn’t know what to think. So then the questions started and they were very mild this time, I think have the SA really helped them to understand me and where I was coming from. Just about every response I gave was greeted with enthusiasm. When I left the meeting I was actually beside myself, I was really happy and when I got to work I could barely sit still.
Tonight, here in a couple of hours I’m meeting Nancy and Becky for appetizers and drinks. I really am quite fond of them. We are going to talk about what we’re going to as a CCN group now that Morris is leaving. They have also expressed a desire to be there for me as I go through this process. I’m going to need them.
Given all that, I don’t know where this all stands. I feel things are on the positive side concerning the church part. Concerning Tom things are definitely on the very negative side. He just doesn’t get a whole lot of things. How to treat people, how to support someone feeling a life change. He’s content to drink all the time, watch tv and never do anything helpful or useful. Ok, that’s a bit harsh. But my emotions are a little raw right now.
