Solitude

Much of my life these days is spent in solitude.

I'm not in prison, but, I don't have a partner, I don't have a job and I don't have a wide circle of friends I go hang with. I have a few close ones I see when need be. Otherwise, over the past decade I have relied on my (now ex) partner for companionship. And he has a wide circle of friends so I became integrated with them, but now, not so much. I still think of them as friends, but realistically I know how this works.

So when I don't have the pups here, I am alone in my apartment, up top of the apt building, isolated from not just the world but even my neighbors. It is like being a recluse in the attic.

I love my apt, it is a great space. It is quite cool in some aspects. But I am isolated.

So, I am forced to confront a great many things. Myself, my future, what is, what was and what is to become.

Being alone with your thoughts, fears, desires, dreams and everything else can be overwhelming, scary, daunting, exciting, perplexing and any combination of those.

The reason I think of that is tonight I am keeping the pups. So my thoughts are all happy and focused on them. I have worn them out plus it is very late, so they are out cold.

I love these moments. I have lost much and been challenged much. But when I am able to keep Kaiser and Zelda, well, I feel all is well. At least for these few fleeting moments.

A good movie on hate and compassion

I just watched a good movie concerning hatred, judgment, intolerance and ultimately compassion.

Steel Toes

It is a good chance to view both sides of a given situation. And as much as you might despise the offender, there are times when you can come to sympathize with him. Which provides for some troubling thoughts.

And for me personally, I can relate to the idea of isolation and not outright imprisonment, but for me feeling a sliver of the same effects. Being in my apartment some days without a reason to leave. Yes, I can almost (note, almost but not really even close) relate to the idea of being isolated from the rest of the world.

Regardless, a decent movie to watch.

Did God have a wife?

I found this article quite interesting. And it points to the fact that we as Christians have to be honest about the origins of our sacred book, what went into its creation, the history and who actually wrote it. Not to mention the influence of the culture in the time it was written.

This is a great example of how we can have so many misinterpretations about the book we all hold so dear.

Information like this doesn't detract from the Bible, it just needs to be added into the conversation and discerned.

Did God have a wife?

My ex

So through all the madness of my life and what my future holds, I am now contending with my ex-partner.

After our bitter separation, we got on friendly terms quite fast. And now that I live in one of the apartment buildings he owns we have even more reason to interact, and of course sharing the dogs gives us a ton of reasons to see and spend time with one another. And I live just a few blocks from him. So, we have remained connected.

And tonight, after talking earlier in the evening I receive a message concerning my bathroom sink which needs a little work, and then another message that asked if I was lonely. It really hit me. My response tried to address it that yes, I was, but also tried to brush it off so it didn't seem like I was jumping on it.

My typical passive-aggressive self.

I don't have any idea what the future holds. I think (I hope?) my future holds him in it.

Sometimes my life just presents too much uncertainty. I don't know what to do or think some days.

Haiti - #2

I was expecting to be overwhelmed in Haiti. But I wasn't and perhaps it was because I had mentally prepared myself for what I was to experience. One of the most powerful experiences I was told would not necessarily be the sights, but the smell. The smell of garbage, of poverty, of waste. Thankfully my very inept nose served me well on this trip. Smells didn't strike me so much. Although it would be obvious at times when you were around people that hadn't been able to take a shower for a long time, it wasn't a big deal.
The first images I had of Haiti were riding from the airport to the guest house after it had turned dark.

I saw nothing but tent cities, a ruinous setting, rubble in the streets and people seemingly streeming out into the streets for no discernible purpose. It was Saturday night after all so people probably just wanted to be out and about. For a newcomer it was a bit bewildering.

The next morning we went to church at the Christian Community Church located in Citei Solei.

If you aren't familiar with Citei Solei here is a link: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cit%C3%A9_Soleil.

It is the largest slum in the western hemisphere. It is everything you would expect a third world slum to be: corrugated tin sheds for housing, packed in one on top of another, no floors - all dirt, sewage flowing freely in the alleys/canals. Poverty incarnate. But, as we traveled through this area towards church we could see people traveling towards the same church. Men dressed in crisp, starched dress shirts with ties, women, especially little girls, dressed in their best white dresses. Admist all this poverty, dust, ruin and what outsiders would see as despair, the residents maintained a particular appearance for Sunday morning. It was a level of respect I noticed. The church is the center of the community.

When we arrived at church before 8 am. the children had been in Sunday school since 7. As they filtered out they swarmed to us. Lovely, engaging, happy, joyful. That begins to describe them.

And they were pulling our hands towards church, to the main service of the morning.

Haiti - 1st entry

So, Haiti was of course an incredible experience. There are so many variables and nuances I cannot express so I will stick with some very basic ideas. I hope that isn't condescending, but it is like with any trip/journey/adventure/mission etc, words/pictures/videos just don't do it justice.

First of all, the country is in absolute ruin. Compared to the USA it is anyway. In the main city where we were at (Port Au Prince), infrastructure was, well, nonexistent. Roads were dirt and rubble with very deep potholes for the most part. Downtown was somewhat better. There was running water, but only to be used for showering, never drinking. Any sense of government was really lacking. I saw more UN troops than actual Haitian or Port Au Prince police or security.

I was fortunate to stay in a guest house, Matthew 25. An otherwise oasis in a city of trouble and chaos.

Next to the guest house was a tent city. People that had been living in tents since the earthquake.

Going to the chapel

I have much to post about my trip to Haiti. My life just seems like a blur at the moment so posting on a blog seems like an afterthought. But, I will. It was an incredible experience.

But, I wanted to say that tonight I stopped at the Roman Catholic Church just two blocks from my apartment. They have an Adoration Chapel which is open 24 hours. And as it happens, for now the main church, which is connected to this chapel, was open as well.

So I went in and prayed at a side chapel devoted to the Virgin Mary. I sat in the pews for a moment. And then I spent a few moments in the Adoration Chapel.

This place, especially late at night, is an island of hope, an oasis in the darkness of all that someone can feel. I know God is present at all times. But it is good to go to an actual house of God to be in His presence.