Adjusting at the end of the 1st semester

I have had a tumultuous go of it recently. Not necessarily bad, just a bit chaotic.

I have had some very nice results from classes. My grades seem to be going well. But as soon as I felt ok with grades and classes I was presented with other stresses as I previously wrote about.

And as the month has progressed I have felt a building stress concerning the overall factor of adjusting.

Sometimes I feel like I have adjusted, I'm here, I feel the rhythm, I love the life, etc etc. But then I have almost extreme moments where I feel so separated from my previous life (which should probably be normal) distance from the dogs (which I hate), and even a disconnect at times with life here at seminary.

Sometimes these feelings all happen within the same day and I hate those days so much.

Sometimes they happen from day to day, but I never hit a stride of feeling completely awesome for several days in a row (which I do not like) nor do I hit a stride of being depressed for any great length of time (of which I am extremely thankful for).

The key to life is balance. Seminary tries to bring that in some ways. The balance in prayer life (the days being bookended by morning prayer and evening prayer or eucharist), with the obvious dose of academics/classes. The physical aspect is absent but I take care of that on my own.

But balance is so hard to attain in a normal setting much less here. If I let myself become consumed with seminary life, as I should sometimes, I lose sight of some things I love and find important. That isn't good. But if I dwell on those aspects it goes the other direction, often disastrously.

I had a conversation with a senior last night outside and he admitted to me adjustment takes about a year. I can see that and I thank him for sharing that. It really hasn't been that long to be here and adjust to an entirely new life. But yet we are either expected to have done so or we need to do so in order to survive.

The reality is, this shit takes time!

I know I am where I am supposed to be, as the saying goes.

So, I will allow myself as much time as it takes. I won't rush it and just accept any obstacles, problems, adjustments etc as I need to.

There is much joy to rest in, the stressful stuff will be dealt with as it comes.