I used to love Sundays. In particular Sunday afternoons. After having gone to church and especially if I had been able to serve, I would feel so at peace with the world.
Times have changed. I still love Sundays. But not as much. Today offered a brief reprieve. Without going into a lot of details there was a chance to hang out with my ex-partner and a cadre of friends/acquaintances etc. But it didn't work out. I won't bash my ex-partner here, but suffice to say the initial conversation descended into me being yelled at, within the span of 30 seconds.
Now, I know full well I can have a temper. And when pushed I can and will unleash. But I don't like that part of myself and try very hard to fix it.
That part of me was not in effect today. It never had a chance to.
I was bombarded. So, I left it as such.
Long story short I ended up meeting with my ex-partner and others later in the night. Apparently the day had been nothing but drama and the night only held more of it.
By the time I left my expartners house to go home I was thoroughly stressed out and mad and upset.
Not a good ending for a Sunday.
But it adds fuel to the fire of my thought process on seminary. Right now, I want nothing more than to leave Lexington. Earlier today I wanted nothing more than to stay. And the only reason for that? My ex-partner and some sort of strange twisted idea that we might have a future together. That is yet to be seen. But tonight illustrates that my health and sanity does not and should not depend on him.
Taking a deep breath.
Praying.
All will be well.
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