Finding a Lenten discipline

It has been a challenge to maintain my focus during Lent and even during Holy Week. Maybe especially Holy Week.

Lent has been my favorite time of the liturgical year since I first entered the Episcopal Church. A fascination with the liturgies, symbols and prayers that had historic, indeed ancient ties, along with the solemness, the chance for quiet, and the time to make peace with God. And Holy Week, from a liturgical standpoint is like the Christmas season on steroids.

This year has been different. There is so much change going on in my life and in the life of my home parish. So much so that it has made it difficult to think of much else. And I know, one of the points of Lent is to draw us away from those distractions, perhaps give us other tools, different prayers, liturgies etc, to help us in that goal. But this still has been one of the most difficult times I have experienced in getting my focus right.

I had lunch with a friend yesterday and she asked me if I had taken on a Lenten discipline this year. To be perfectly frank I had not even considered it. It seemed almost ridiculous for me, but I know it would have made the most sense for me.

I thought about this after our lunch and thought, 'You know what? Screw Lent. Yes that's right, screw you Lent!' With everything I have to had to deal with over the past year I haven't been much in the mood of taking on another burden.

Not a good attitude to have, but there you go. My focus, my intent, my life is becoming stronger and more clear by the day. By now I am well on my way to deciding where I am going to attend seminary. And being able to figure that out, especially with the two thought processes of being able to leave my dogs behind and being able to figure out the financial side of the equation is doing me more good in all areas than I can describe. I think now that being able to come to terms of leaving my beloved pups behind is larger than anything else. Only animal, and especially dog, lovers will understand.

In many ways figuring out the next steps of my life has been my Lenten discipline and I believe that is a legitimate way of thinking. I still don't know for sure how things will end up, but regardless of anything else, I know they will end up well.