I used to have this not only as a habit but as an outright obsession. Which of course defeats the purpose of doing it at all. It became an act, something to be checked off. But it is meant to be a time between you and God, and also the rest of the world.
So I was advised to let it go with the idea being I would search for a meaningful prayer with God, even if that meant just five minutes a day in silence. Whatever it took. I was too focused on structure.
Well, I am coming full circle. I have become lazy and unstructured altogether in my prayer life. And it has affected me. It has hurt me. So over the last few weeks I have worked towards a more intentional focus.
Today was the first almost complete day. And I will say it was the first day in a long time I felt "complete". I was also able to get a great workout in, so physically I felt great. I added in the updated spiritual component and well, I was riding high.
So I decided two things: I was going to walk to the local grocery (about 2-3 blocks away) and stop at the Roman Catholic Cathedral on the way to pray and take in some of the beauty of the church. About the grocery: when I feel great physically, mentally and spiritually, I want pizza. So I went to go buy a good frozen pizza as opposed to ordering one.
This church has a 24/7 adoration chapel. Usually at the time of night I was there (around 10 - 1030) it is empty and silent. Tonight there were a few people milling around in the adjacent main nave, seemed like they were wrapping up some sort of music rehearsal. Not an issue for me, I continued in and although all the doors were open and I could hear and see if I wanted the other people in the adjacent nave, I was focused on my prayer time.
I don't necessarily subscribe to the idea of Eucharistic adoration but I can certainly appreciate being in a holy place and in the presence of the Body and Blood. So at first I knelt, then sat in a chair. Then knelt again as I became more comfortable (and was cooling down a bit from the walk in the still humid air). I pulled out my pocket rosary and fumbled around with it a bit. I then pulled out my iphone where I had the Chaplet of Divine Mercy stored. So partially from memory and partially from checking my iphone, I recited this prayer. Asking for forgiveness for myself and for the whole world for all the wrongs done.
I had my moment, as it where.
I finished so I put my phone and rosary away and collected myself. As I was preparing to leave one of the people, a lady with a guitar, was leaving through the nearby doors. I allowed her some time to get through and leave so I wouldn't be right behind her.
After a few quiet moments I got up to leave.
As I entered the parking lot I saw this lady packing her items into the trunk of her car. I passed by her and continued on my way towards the sidewalk. After a couple of moments she called out to me "Are you ok?"
I was taken aback. I stopped, briefly paused and then turned around and asked "What?" Knowing full well what she asked but still not sure of the meaning. She again asked "Are you ok?"
I said something to the effect of "Yes, yes, I'm fine, thank you."
She resumed packing her trunk.
The moment struck me in that a total stranger would take time out to check on a total stranger. I know the image I presented: a big, tall, bald headed guy in a black tshirt. Perhaps not a typical sight. I really don't know if that image entered her head or not. I can only imagine how I looked. A non traditional figure entering a church late at night looking only for peace, solace and a chance to be with God.
I have been giddy ever since because her actions lifted me up. It was an act of kindness and reaffirms what I want in this life. To be that for other people in all ways and in all actions of my life at all times.
I am sure I will never know her name, but God bless you nameless guitar lady. You did much for me tonight, I can only repay you by doing the same for others.
No comments:
Post a Comment