What has passed

I was going to type up another thrilling entry on my stresses with seminary. But instead I find myself at the computer, my pups at my side, pondering how things have changed, how each of us experience hurts, pains, joys, ups, downs.

My ex-partner was traveling for business all day today so I have kept the dogs. I will again this weekend when he goes out of town. But I can't help but thinking of him alone in the bed we shared for years. Where is his head? Does he still hurt? How does he feel?

Lest my writing betray me, these aren't thoughts centered around whether or not he wants to get back together. On the contrary, our separation is healthy, pain has been involved to be sure, but it is necessary.

But I still wonder about him, especially when I have the dogs. Caring for someone goes so far beyond when you are actually with them and indeed when you are actually in relationship with them. But that doesn't mean you still want that person in your life. And I'm sure the opposite is true.

Sometimes I ache, my heart aches. For the pain, the separation, for everything, experienced on both sides. Hurts in life come with the territory. We all know that. It doesn't make it any easier. And although not easier, we should know when it is necessary.

Approaching a year on, it hurts less viscerally but perhaps hurts on a deeper level. If that makes any sense. But still, it is what it is. And was necessary and is healthy.

I will say I do miss him. That's an honest statement. But I can't imagine either of us being willing to go back to where we were.

And, that's ok. We all should grow as life continues to evolve.

I have a journey before me. I need to focus on that. I cannot forget love though.