Solitude

Much of my life these days is spent in solitude.

I'm not in prison, but, I don't have a partner, I don't have a job and I don't have a wide circle of friends I go hang with. I have a few close ones I see when need be. Otherwise, over the past decade I have relied on my (now ex) partner for companionship. And he has a wide circle of friends so I became integrated with them, but now, not so much. I still think of them as friends, but realistically I know how this works.

So when I don't have the pups here, I am alone in my apartment, up top of the apt building, isolated from not just the world but even my neighbors. It is like being a recluse in the attic.

I love my apt, it is a great space. It is quite cool in some aspects. But I am isolated.

So, I am forced to confront a great many things. Myself, my future, what is, what was and what is to become.

Being alone with your thoughts, fears, desires, dreams and everything else can be overwhelming, scary, daunting, exciting, perplexing and any combination of those.

The reason I think of that is tonight I am keeping the pups. So my thoughts are all happy and focused on them. I have worn them out plus it is very late, so they are out cold.

I love these moments. I have lost much and been challenged much. But when I am able to keep Kaiser and Zelda, well, I feel all is well. At least for these few fleeting moments.