I am at rest these days with anxiety, restlesness, preparedness etc. It is an anxious time.

Not a bad time. But not a good time.

My ex-partner and myself seem to be finding more common ground than possible. I think that is a result of my leaving. That makes me happy and sad at the same time.

Class registration has been sent out, housing will be secured. This is happening.

The effects continue to ripple out. My family has differing levels: my sister is supportive regardless of whatever happens, my parents are supportive but still worried about the things parents are naturally worried about.

I worry about leaving behind a life that to be truthful I haven't even had the past year. I see signs of that changing but, part of me thinks that is just a reaction to me leaving. If I were to stay, would those feelings continue (on the part of both of us?) I don't think so.

So, much is going on. But I am still headed forward but with the weight of others emotions as well as my own, laying on me.

Schismatics / bigots in Canada slammed shut

It is even more apparent in Canada that you cannot leave a church and take the property with you:

Schismatics ruled as thieves

I'm not sure what the bigots are trying to prove at this point. And yes I use the divisive term of bigot. I am a gay man so anytime people are trying to create division based on sexuality it comes down to tolerance and the denial of equal rights. It is like forcing someone into a corner and not giving them any other options. The option that is left is to come out fighting.

So yeah, bigots. Homophobes. Hatemongers. You are what you are. Don't try and dress it up behind some sort of sketchy theology or bullshit hate the sin but love the sinner. That is beyond condescending.

I don't have any choice but to come out fighting.

And I am glad the bigots in Canada have been shut down.

The bigots in the U.S.A. have for the most part been shut down. Case after case is going against the hatemongers.

Learn from it. You are going to lose, and usually in monumental fashion.

Love wins out, hate never wins.

You can leave on hate, but you can't take the keys.

Godspeed. And I mean that. To each their own path, but don't try and steal on the way.

Unexpected visit from my ex

Things are set, I am moving in August, things I was worried about (financial aid mainly) have been worked out. I am hitting the eject button come the end of August.

So I have to deal with issues of leaving. It will be hard in some cases, mostly not hard, certainly emotional but happy.

My ex-partner is one of the cases that is going to be hard. There are underlying issues going on that I cannot figure out.

Tonight prompted this post. He called me, he was walking home from being out with friends, he was upset. There are some other major things going on with a mutual friend so I didn't think twice. My apartment is filthy so I quickly pulled things together and then he was here.

And within a couple of minutes he was (besides being inebriated) crying and saying he needed to just go home (which is also within walking distance of my place).

Part of me was a bit miffed. Part of me wanted to say 'don't you dare blow in here all emotional, teary eyed, making me clean up the place and not at least stay for a bit if not give me some idea of what is going on'.

That wasn't going to happen. I was insistent for him to at the very least stay and sleep for a bit, but he wasn't having that.

There is much going on in his life, my life, our life. And, a certain mutual friend's life. He wasn't giving up any details.

I think certain factors lead to certain emotions. But that is speculation.

While my initial thought was annoyance that he would dare blow in here and then leave within a few minutes without letting me know what was going on, my thoughts now are of great concern and other things.

Much is still unsaid between us. Much is left to be done, I think. I'm not sure what that means. I just think some sort of future, if it be one of pure friendship then so be it, is there.

Mostly right now I am concerned. For him and his well being. A troubled soul in need of help and someone that won't ask not will accept it.

Jesus laid his crown aside for our souls

A meeting with friends

As I sit here, my dogs are on the couch behind me asleep, Zelda is laying off to my left, Kaiser is propped up over the armrest to my right. Both are obviously exhausted and very deep in sleep (it is after all almost 3 am).

I had a great happy hour/early evening snack with two friends I came to know through a previous job. Our friendship has maintained the strains of time, new jobs and all of the other stuff that enters ones life. We have shared outings to restaurants, clubs, plays, social events, Christmas parties at one anothers house and otherwise impromptu gettogethers. As well as all of the ups and downs that come with life: family issues, deaths, losing a beloved pet, breakups, work, finances etc.

Tonight was when I officially informed them I was heading off to seminary in August. Our get together wasn't designed for that but as anyone knows when longtime friends get together once in a blue moon, the biggest news of the day comes first. Not that this was most important, but I've been at other such get togethers to hear someone's promotion, pregnancy, impending move, etc. So, I guess it is natural my move was the topic of the evening.

Of course they were supportive. And loving. They may not have thought they were projecting it, but I felt love. A connection going back years, especially as we reminisced over times spent together. It felt like none of us really wanted to leave. Being a work night for them and they needing to get back to their partners, of course it had to end. If we'd been in our early 20s on a Friday night, well, I wouldn't be sitting here writing this. But it was time to end.

In my mind I also felt that they didn't want it to end because they knew it was one of the last times they would see me before I left. Hopefully I will see them plenty in the coming years. But I also sensed the emotional vibe we all get when saying goodbye to a co-worker we have known for years.

Yes, we both promise to stay in touch and may in fact do so for a while.

I don't want to think about what happens after that. I feel I am walking a similar path as they are, finding our faith, working things out. I hope our paths not only cross again, but cross multiple times. I hope to grow old with friends like this.

If you are reading this, you two, you know who you are, I love you and will always have the most fondest place in my heart for you.

Further on up the road, yes, but I hope sooner and more often than we all think.

Enya Storm in Africa

Sometimes I just look for things that make me happy. Not looking for anything that expands my mind or world or experiences. Just something that makes me happy. This is a song (and just by chance) a video that I love.

This brings me peace.

Whale Wars

I never took an interest in the program Whale Wars on the Animal Planet channel. The main reason being I didn't want to subject myself to seeing whales harpooned and slaughtered. The other reason being just simple overload with reality programs and not really sure if this particular program would be worth watching. But the idea of seeing whales slaughtered was what really kept me away.

The new season started Friday night and the run-up to that included a marathon all day of episodes from the previous season and then an episode that recapped all of the seasons.

I began watching it almost by accident, but it only took a moment to become hooked. For the entire flippin day. Seriously, that is all I watched all day Friday.

I was entranced and in love. In love with these brave warriors some would call eco-terrorists. Brave not only because of the conditions they put themselves in but also the cause of protecting sea life (that is internationally protected by law) and also because they use very non-violent means to do so (although they can be aggressive). I mean it isn't like they are wading into the fray with machine guns and rocket launchers. They are using stink bombs and their wits.

I have the utmost respect for them and in many ways daydream about being on one of the boats hurling stink bombs or dropping a line to disable the propellers of a whaling ship. Or perhaps cutting their drift lines or running interference to save a whale.

I would never make it as a crew member I know, maybe I can support them otherwise. Beyond that all I can say is, God bless these people.